Poetry of Pain...........and Redemption


Alone I sit and listen 
To the sounds of emptiness 
Singing to me, the one with empty arms 
And broken dreams 

Everything I ever wanted, seems 
Unreachable or taken by another 
Is fate a cruel prankster, with an unfunny joke? 

I wonder at times, if Destiny 
Has deemed me to wander all alone 
Never knowing a lovers caress, or the passion in his eyes 

At times the longing is maddening 
The tears fall and melt into my pillow 
The loneliness enveloping me once again 
I curse my longing soul 

I watch others and still can smile at their joy 
But at times, the hurt is raw 
A reminder of what I don’t have 
And maybe never will 

No lover’s laughter or knowing smiles 
No cuddles in the break of day light 
My words heard whispered in the darkness 
Only by my goddess and me 

So many broken dreams, promises 
All came to me times past but do nothing in the now 
For now I am alone in my bed and life 
With unanswered songs 

Never touching the realness 
Of a lovers face and hair 
Only staring at the space of nothing and feeling more alone then I ever believed I could 

Never did I believe I would end up this way 
To end each day hungering for the touch 
Of the one I love but she isn’t here, the dark prince of my longings 

Screaming in my mind, shattering my heart 
Like broken glass, I am tired of all alone 
I face alone the day in my bed, nocturnal angel all alone 
In the void of emptiness that is my world

Unwrapped presents 

The heart is full flames 
That burn so bright 
Yet the arms are so very empty 
As passion burns within 
Given to no one 

These secret gifts I hold 
Within my soul 
With no one to give then to 
Presents yet unwrapped 

Come the break of day 
I go to my bed 
My darkened room that 
Protects me from the glare 
Of the sun 

I crawl in my bed 
Between my sheets 
And lay alone and think 

Though there is no protection 
From the emptiness I feel 
My life spins before me 
Circles of work, sleep and all alone 

I sing songs to no one 
I dream of something more, 
As I head out to the night time 
I look back at the door 

My home, my heart 
All there and waiting 
For the one some day 
Who will fill this vampyress 
Heart with love 
And end these lonely days
Dreams of the Heart 
Through plastic and wire 
A song did play 
In the soul of the vampyress 
Long miles away though so close 
It sang of desire and longing 
It played in her heart 

Caresses of the soul 
Passions whispers 
Wondering if solace 
Hides in the distance, 
Know the others 
May not understand 
That her body shivers 
For the touch of his hand 

She will dream this night 
And seek his touch 
In the realm of astral 
To find the one with 
Her passions mate 
Brought by plastic and wire 
And a strange twist of fate 

There all will happen 
That is dreamed of 
She will feed him her fiery love 
He will give her the touch that he has. 
Wrapped up inside them 
Free now at last 

To kiss him so sweetly 
And hold him so close 
To sleep in his arm 
So tender so close, 
Part they do now 
And say their goodbyes 
And meet once again 
At the end of sunrise


With stabs in my back 
I grow weary 
Crimson tears of betrayal. 
Lies are deadly 
People are crushed 
Innocents hurt 
For the selfish and greed 
Head games ripping flesh 
Hearts that knew love 
Now empty 
Never to mend 
Power trips 
Ego boosts for the insecure 
Fake words 
False love, hidden motives 
Glutton for praise 
From anywhere 
Cry wolf too many times 
No one listens 
I hear no more 
I have closed the tunnel 
No light 
No sound 
Only pain 
I am now numb to it all

Ode to sleeping alone

Moonlight plays across my window 
As I roll over to hug nobody 
Rain falls, softly 
As no one holds me tight 
Fireflies dance 
As I wish for my partner 

The sheets feel so very cold 
As I hug emptiness 
And nobody holds me close . 
Fighting over covers 
With no one at all 
My lips ache 
As nobody kisses them 
This bed is crowded 
And empty all the same 
No one and nobody 
My lovers in vain 

The price of wishes 

Candles burn, flicker and flash 
Whispered voices fill my head 
Vows taken to the blackness caress 
Wishes granted, deals made
She came to me upon a dream 
Long ago took my hand 
Called me childe 
Said we would talk 
And she said the score 
Told I could be a dream walker 
Just like she 
From that day there was no more, 
Nothing left of innocence lost 
Gladly taken, forever lost 
From time to time 
She returns his call 
Just to remind me 
I gave up it all 
Music screaming in my head 
Songs of torture fear and dread 
All my gifts she gave to me 
Have left me with 
Cold brutality.. 
Barren heart, soul so lost 
Little girl, lupine angel 
Woman childe forever lost 
I wander alone now 
Ever the huntress 
Incapable of stopping 
The beast I have become 
Tempting death 
Awaiting his caress 
To end the madness 
Only to be denied his arrival. 
I make love to my dagger 
As it seeks out my insanity 
Coupling with vengeance 
Ice flowing through my veins 
I chuckle at the pain 
For I feel only the hunger 
Dreaming of crimson rainstorms 
The quest never done 
Gone are Sunday smiles 
And the heart that hoped and dreamed 
Locked in eternity 
Little girl gone, ice princess here to stay 
Made a deal with the darkness 
All my wishes made 
Payment is forever 
The price I had to pay 
I have all I ever wanted 
I bought it with my soul 

As a little girl
She was tattered and torn 
As a child she was cold 
And alone..... 
As a teen she was violated 
Trust was destroyed.. 
No one came to save 
Neither her heart nor her soul 
She closed off her self 
Never to let anyone inside 
Away safe from love 
She ran to hide. 
Fear kept her safe 
Always loved, 
Unable to truly love 
The wall loomed 
And kept her safe,
As a woman , 
She grew to be cold 
Such an ice princess 
All so alone.... 
His name, one day 
Come to her from a friend 

The reign of the ice princess 
Came to an end. 
She listened to his heart 
And looked at his pictures 
And she was forever changed 
Gone were the memories 
Of a mother’s boyfriend 
Who raped and took her youth 
Gone were the filthy hands groping her? 
As a young girl, come on little song bird 
As managers and agents, tried to make her 
While her mother whose heart went cold, she just 
Said sing little songbird sing and closed her eyes . 
Refusing to see, that all this was killing 
The song birds will to love. 
Her mother said take what you can get 
It was on this she was raised 
She ran to husbands arms 
While still a child 
Hot grease tossed on her back 
Skull fractures and a coma 
Were the answers she got 
So again she was alone 
And learned to be lonely 
Until the day she saw this picture 
Of the one she had always saw 
In dreams she had laughed away. 
He could never be, but then she did see 
His face, heard his words and knew 
Here finally was he , the one she knew 
Only from her dreams, he had another 
Fear struck in.......she many love her 
So very many men, she couldn’t let in.. 
But this man...well he had a key 
Little song bird.....you know it’s not 
For her to ever win
The worst enemy she has ever had 
Was, her loss to accept love 
To show it even to really know it 
So she told her love, a sad goodbye 
And over him she will forever cry 
Now her soul has learned, 
Sad, sad fact 
When you lose the perfect love 
You shall never get it back 
She ran to one who loved her so 
Knowing that her true love would surely go 
But then again she always did know 
That for her love and happiness 
Was never to be so...

Razor song

He appears, meets your eyes 
Shouldn’t come as a surprise 
Sitting there, room spins round 
Whiskey running through your head 
All you felt now is dead 
Crimson sliver run anew 
Come on baby sing the razor song 
Cleansing rivers stop the pain 
Endless nights alone 
Finally took its toll 
Fate pointed it finger 
Said I want you 
The rhythm of the music 
It sings to your heart 
Bleed baby, bleed just for me 
Sweet death's seduction 
Come dance with your demons 
They miss you so 
Come baby sing the razor song 
Kisses and whispers 
Tried to run from us 
But we think you should know 
We are here waiting 
Now it’s time to go 
Child of darkness, child of song 
Home is where hell is 
Come on baby sing the razor song 
Walk with me now come along 
You had your time 
You sang your song, 
The show is over 
Now come along 
Slice it deeply 
Don’t take too long 
Bleed out all the pain 
Such pretty red rain 
Don’t say it will hurt, little songbird 
In this life you've known worse 
Rape and misjudgement 
Love for you is just a curse 
Come now childe your pain is through 
My dark wings here spread 
To enfold you 
Come on baby sing the razor song 
You know the words, they come to you 
Off to nothing together we sail 
Sleep among the starlight 
Wash down the pain 
Drink that fire water 
Perfect for you demon daughter 
Funny thought you had 
Silly, silly you, that happiness 
Would find and come save the day 
Come on dark angel 
Tell me true, did you think that could happen 
To one such as you? 
Bleed and cry, take my hand 
Come find peace and sleep so true 
Let my arms come hold you 
Come on baby sing the razor song 

Long Is the Night 

Long is the night 
Alone I walk 
These streets of forever 
Desires in the eyes I see 
But not the desire I wish 
From you for me 
Reasons tell warns 
To set my heart free 
As the rush of the 
Hungers of ages 
Flows through me 
Foggy evenings 
I wonder as I walk do you 
Think of me? 
Bad choices, pride on the fall 
Searching for compassion 
Where none is found 
Only with you do I find 
The karmic bond eternal 
Seeking a solution 
To my cravings 
Only you truly have the answer 
For you alone hold the key 
To feed from scarlet 
Delight .at your side 
To have your 
Arms to enfold me 
And hold me oh so tight 
Whispers I long for 
Saying all will be alright 
But things can’t be that way 
I understand all too well 
Starry skies tell me true 
That I what my heart truly seeks 
I find in you 
The time is never right it seems 
So many things complicate 
And my imprisoned captive 
Heart can only wait 
We pass each other on by 
Each knowing what the heart 
Says is true 
I wonder if you ever see 
The tears that I cry 
When I long for you 
We drift through our lives 
Both working hard to survive 
A purpose clear and true 
Wishes made from me and you 
Time can only tell 
What this life shall bring 
To you and I……
For I am 
The queen of the darkest passions 
You reign as king 

The Dark Angel's Loss 
Sadness enfold my heart 
I know now we must part 
I of darkness 
You of light 
Love can’t end the eternal fight 
What she is she cannot change 

I go on as I, have always been 
And you travel your own road 
It was a beautiful trip we took 
In the shadows where we met 
And the love I had for you I will never forget 

So when you walk through darkness 
And as you feel the caress of starlight 
Know that it was the one who loves you so 
As she reaches through the shadows 
Into the only spot she can touch 

She watches you in the light 
And loves you still even though 
She couldn’t be what you wanted 
And she had to let you go 
Her heart now is empty 
Her soul awaits the end 
Of its time in this life 
Hopefully the in his mercy 
The hand of death will end this walk alone 

She is child of darkness, he was child of light 
Love was caught forever in between this fight 
The shadows were the only place 
That they could meet and love 
She couldn’t go into the light 
And couldn’t rise above 
So sadly now she walks alone 
Her eyes they fill with tears 
Her heart fills up with sorrow 
Weighed down with loss

The Is No light here

There is no light here 
No smile 
No embrace 
There is no one 
Who understands? 
No one to save me 
From gripping hands 
Should have saw it 
Should have known the score 
I was blinded and broad sided 
Silly little hopes and dreams 
Never meant to be 
'Empty nights 
And lonely days 
In the cards for me 
Cold and dizzy head is spinning 
Betrayal how it stings 
Lost in silent blood red rages 
Holding back the beast 
Out of it now 
Gone forever 
Never back again 
The blackness found me 
And held my hand 
And took me back again . 
Hatred holds me now 
Should have known it all before 
Silly hope of ever after 
Sneaked right out my door

Hide away

Welcome to the hideaway 
The games of lovers, the eternal 
Self-denial, the blindfolds we wear 
Oh so tightly, blocking out all light. 
In the dream scape of a love 
We hid from the horrors of truths 
Preferring to shelter ourselves 
In dreams, from the slaps of truth
Huddled close I reach to touch you. 
I need to be reassured, to be held close 
I beg you in dreams and awake. 
Love me kill me all the same. 
Tell me sweet lies, hide the pain of real. 
Make my daydreams come to me 
In rushes of promises, 
That will never be kept 
Deceive me with forever’s 
Oh my partner in this merry go round world 
May we stay here forever? 
I don’t want to face being alone 
In my bed of black lace. 
Screaming, crying bleeding. 
It’s just too real 
Don’t let truths hurt us 
In our world of sweet dreams 
Let us hide in the madness 
I cannot deal with the truth 
The rape of all I wanted 
Believed to be so true 
I beg you to hide me now 
In this make believe world . 
All my dreams are there now 
I wove them into this 
I can face tomorrow 
Or forever not with you
I come out each day and face reality 
And its bites and tears at my flesh. 
Scared I run to your lies and promises 
Safe there I hide. 
The scars of promises, pain and disappointment 
Mark my soul 
My heart leaks from pain, torn and shredded 
I wanted this to be our forever 
As I slip into insanity. 
Kiss me; kill me all the same to me 
As I run screaming 
To the world of it doesn’t matter anymore 
Find me there among the flowers 
I am the rose who has long faded away

Silent Suffering 
In the sombre veins 
Of nothing
Happiness a long ago memory 
The stillness of vacant dreams 
The screams of the could bes haunt my nightmares 
Empty, cold, and barren, these days I live 
Missing what I am 
Trying to be what I am not 
Longing for the crimson pleasures 
Knowing no one here can understand.. 
As I am deeply 
Missing my own kind 
Alone and isolated in a sea of normal 
In this mortal wasteland 
Wirh its boring expectations 
And silly needs, 
Not met by kindred seductions 
I miss the danger of what I am 
The slaves who did my bidding 
Those who know that we are not like them 
We are the hidden kings and queens 
Whose time shall soon come? 
Now all that seems far away. 
I’m the trapped vampyress locked in suburbia 
Hear me scream silently.. 
There are no explanations available 
No way to make the masses see 
I Long to run to the fold of kindred arms 
Those of who understand the things 
That there are no answers to
I am cemented in 
Drowning in the flow 
Help me... I yell to no one 
As the sun sets soon 
Racing in my veins 
Is the pulse of what I am...? 
I seek solitude 
That can never be found 
Here trapped 
In a sea of normal mundane noise

The promise of darkness

Sing a song of pain and loss 
Messed with me at but what cost 
Nightmares claim your every sleep 
I laugh in the shadows as you wept 
Lil one who thought you knew 
The way to cheat and lie 
Maybe somehow catch his eye 

There is something I think you should know 
If he's that phatic, know I let him go 
The one who shares my bed 
Would fill your heart so dull of dread 
I love the darkness, and it doesn’t love you 
For any that would sink to have you 
I would take and his mind and screw 

Let me tell you something little girl 
This vampyress, she knows the world 
My vengeance shall break through 
Cast protection as my flames break through 
Just because I closed my eyes don’t think I couldn’t see 
My demons whisper softly to me 

Tonight I bath in sweet red blood 
Laughter rings out 
Your lover I caress 
Now everything you wanted I seek 
Not that I want it 
But you're such a geek 

You gave it a good go 
Too bad that was your best 
Silly one you failed the demons test 
When you see the moonlight dance 
Know it hungers for me, 
Just as your lovers smile in his sleep 
It’s not you, that makes his blood weak 
I am nightmares, lust and rage 
Watching you play in your cage 

Sneaky snake puppy dog 
Wanna see you whimper and cry 
Better watch out because now 
You may just die 
Time for me to put the dog to sleep 
Maybe you will do it yourself 
Do us all a big favor and 
And be unique 
Rid the world of useless garbage 
Or maybe it will be like this 
Don’t worry I’ll be quiet 
No one will hear a peep 
It would be so fun to off 
You in your sleep 

But then again I want your last sight 
To be, the baring of my nails and teeth 
Ripping your dream world, hopes 
And your throat to bits 
For what I could do is far more 
Then you.... 
Your skin a beautiful shade of blue 
Your heart fed to my demons 
Ever by 
No one around will hear your cry 

I await you in the darkness 
That place that chills you so 
Those childhood nightmares 
Can never compare 
To the serving I give of pain and despair 
Listen in the silence, hear my feet draw near 
My gentle giggle the last thing you hear 

The winds chill finds you 
The tears freeze in place 
On her snow white skin and 
Her china doll face 
Pain is her partner 
Ice is her heart 
One last hurt too many 

Cold and barren are 
Her eyes as she dances 
Grins like ice cubes 
Spinning and twirling away 

The ice princess calls you 
Come slumber in the chill 
Of a touch from the coldness 
All hope gone astray 
Kiss her icy lips, just like 
Her heart.... 

Promises on snowy breath 
Caresses of sliver starlight dreams 
You tried to melt her 
Wasn’t easy as it seems 
She was frozen long ago 
Each hurt made her chill grow 
Pain now solid no love does she seek 

Now the ice princes dances alone now 
And it’s time for you to go 
Look once more at her form 
In the cold moonlight 
Say good bye and walk away

Cry to the Night birds

In the depths of darkness 
Waits the light 
In the stillness of nothing 
Night birds call out 
Watch them take flight 
There will be no answer 
As the fog rolls in 
Flying to wherever 
My eyes watch them flee 
Wishing the fog was a lover 
To come hold me 
To wrap all around me 
And sleep at my side 
I have grown way to lonely 
Wounded my pride 
I cry out to the heavens 
Pain please let me be 
Or death come and take me 
And make your bride 
I know no answers 
No cure for this pain 
Please stop my crying 
Tears falling like Rain 
And set this pain free 
For I can feel nothing 
But empty despair 
Tired of endings 
Life is unfair